


Shit let's be trick or treaters

by anxiousAnarchist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-29
Updated: 2011-10-29
Packaged: 2017-10-25 01:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousAnarchist/pseuds/anxiousAnarchist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's really only two ways this night can end - in a jail cell, or with the two of you dead of sugar inhalation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shit let's be trick or treaters

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the kinkmeme. Here's the prompt: http://homesmut.livejournal.com/11448.html?thread=19492280#t19492280. It was a good prompt.

You don't consider the full ramifications of your actions until Terezi starts snorting pixie sticks. 

"Jegus Tz," you say, forcibly separating her nose from the candy. "Pace yourself, k? We're only on house number three, we have five whole neighborhoods to go."

"My body is ready," says Terezi, her eyes all wide behind her shades and you're pretty sure if she still had irises and shit like that they'd be hella bloodshot.

"Okay, that's good," you say. "Because we are going to get all of the candy."

"All of it?" she says, hopefully.

"All of it."

\---

Of course she's dressed as a dragon. Of course. You knew this was her endgame, as soon as John let slip the concept of trick or treating to her. Kanaya made the costume, all reds and teals. 

She looks like an overgrown stuffed animal, but sort of a sexy one, and oh god that's a thought that just passed through your head. 

What has the girl done to you. 

\---

Parents are already giving the two of you weird looks.

Well, can't say you blame them. Two high schoolers, one wearing a huge plush dragon head and clutching several pillowcases to her chest as if they were lifelines, the other wearing huge wings and a lot of orange.

(That'd thrown Terezi for a loop. "TH3 R3TURN OF OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3? 1 4M NOT WORTHY." "no shit you arent no one is."  It'd thrown Rose for a loop, too, when you asked her to help you make the wings, but then she'd given you a pat on your back and said something along the lines of "I am glad you are finally confronting your fears of mortality" or whatever, shit, can't a guy just wear something that'll make his almost sort of kinda girlfriend happy without it being a federal fucking issue?)

The kids, on the other hand, are kind of in love.

"Are you a dinosaur?" asks a little boy in a Batman costume, as his mother gives you the stink eye.

"No, tiny threshecutioner!" says Terezi (she'd about pissed herself when you introduced her to Batman: the Animated Series). "I am a noble dragon, one of the strongest of my kind." 

"Cool!" says the kid. "I like the colors!" 

Terezi cackles. 

Course you get some little girl in a princess costume coming up to you all "Are you a fairy? Are you a fairy godmother?" and whatever, it's not like she's adorable or anything, you just tell her "Yeah kid, I'm a fairy godmother" because it's ironic or something. 

You're starting to draw a crowd now so you pull Terezi off into the night before she can start calling little kid's costumes  D3L1C1OUS because you don't think even you could talk your way outta that one.

\---

Terezi had taken to the idea of trick or treating pretty fucking quickly. 

"Let me get this straight," she said, as she sat on your bed, licking old photos of yours and John's from Halloweens past. "You can dress up in whatever you want."

"Yeah."

"And most people wear enormous amounts of pink and green and red and orange and smear themselves with delectably scented fake blood."

"Uh huh." 

"And then everyone gives each other human candy. Which, from the limited selection you and John's lusus have given me, is also brightly colored."

"Got it in one, Tz. So damn smart, pickin up on how trick or treating works this fast."

Terezi sighed, and laid her head in your lap. "Not even your human irony can take this moment away from me. Coolkid?"

"Yeah, Tz?" you asked. You were stroking her hair now, it was all wiry and straggly and frighteningly black but you liked trying to see if you could pet it into some sort of order.

"It's over between us. I have found a new love. This  'Halloween' and I - we were destined to be matesprits."

"Shh," you said, rubbing a thumb over her forehead. "Only candy now."

\---

The woman who answers the door sort of freezes when she sees the two of you. 

"Trick or treat!" shouts Terezi, with the sort of enthusiasm somebody can only have on their first Halloween.

You nod at the woman, and she attempts to smile back.

"Why, aren't you two -" She struggles to think of a word that encompasses your orange sweater and shitty broken sword, Terezi's dagger shoulders and ridiculous red tail. "Precious." 

"Yes!" says Terezi.

She snatches the bowl of chocolates out of the woman's hand and empties it out into her pillowcase because you haven't quite explained the subtleties of human candy exchange to her yet and besides there's like twenty Kit Kat bars in there, no way you're going to stop her. 

"Merry Halloween!" she says, shoving the empty bowl back into the woman's hands before tromping down the front steps and into the throng of costumes.

The woman just gives you this blank look like she can't process what's going on, a look you know by heart because it's pretty much everyone's first reaction to the tornado named Terezi Pyrope. 

"And a happy All Saint's Day," you say, doffing an imaginary cap.

Then you've gotta run off because Terezi may or may not be having sloppy makeouts with someone's Superman cape. 

\---

You get your pillowcase halfway full before you cave in and start eating candy. 

"Okay," you say, as Terezi struggles to haul the truly enormous stockpile she's built up behind her. "Obviously we need to start getting rid of some of this pronto." 

"By that I hope you mean we are going to start ingesting large quantities shortly," she says, all devil grin and licorice eyes.

"Course," you say. 

A park's nearby, so you head over there (pausing every yard or so for Terezi to sniff the air and marvel at some collection of pumpkins or a Flash costume or some thirteen year olds drenched in a gallon of fake blood) and sit down on a bench. 

She throws her legs into your lap and starts digging through her bag, tossing Hershey's bars and Snickers over her shoulder, pausing to lick the wrappers of Kit Kat bars. You do the same.

Well you don't start licking wrappers. That shit's weird. But you start sorting out all the nasty sticky taffy crap, and pop open a Crunch bar. Crunch bars are the shit.

"Here," you say, tossing her a Twizzler. 

"Oh gog," she says, running it under her nose. "This is too decadent. I cannot -"

"Stop slobbering over it already and just eat the damn thing," you say.  But your mouth's full of candy so it's pretty much intelligible.

Watching Terezi desiccate Twizzlers with her gnashy terrible teeth is a lot hotter than it really should be. 

You swallow, and say, "Dude you look like a piranha." 

Terezi gnashes some more. "Hey wriggler!" she shouts at some six year old walking hand in hand with her dad. "What's a piranha?"

The man pulls his daughter along faster and you indulge yourself with a facepalm. "You are going to get me arrested." 

"The law is on our side, Creamsicle," she says, solemnly. "The pursuit of truth is never illegal." 

This girl is going to get you so arrested and you are going to love every minute of it. 

"You have something on your face," she says, and does what she always does and licks it off, dragging her tongue across your face. 

Her oral fixation should not be giving you some sort of oral fixation by proxy but it totally is. 

"Well you have something on your mouth," you say (shut up who cares if that's the cheesiest lamest thing you have ever said.)  

Her lips taste like cherry and sugar, and her teeth are as cutting as you expected. 

"Dave," she says, pulling away. Her voice is very grave. "That was the shittiest excuse to cover me in your human saliva I have ever heard." 

You sort of gulp, and think fast. "You know how I roll, Tz. Only the most comically horrible romancing for my girl." 

She inhales deep and you can see her eyelids sort of flutter behind her glasses and the head of her costume is bumping into you but you're okay with it.

"Let's try that again," she says. 

And you do. 

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Halloween, everybody.


End file.
